He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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