For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
