I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
