Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
