I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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