Having a random hookup so left but love u
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.