I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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