I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
