I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
