We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
