apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize