On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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