my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
