Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
