Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
