I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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