Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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