had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
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She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
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THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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