"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
