are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
