You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
