I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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