oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
