So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
