found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
