The maid of honor just puked.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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