I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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