Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
