found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
