Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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