Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The air was thick with penises
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
