I met the friendliest cop last night
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
