i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
