Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
