i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
