I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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