Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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