i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
