I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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