Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I love having hate sex.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
