just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
