i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
