My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
