Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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