i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
our cab driver is having phone sex.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
