Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He? As in you personified your dick?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
