Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
