Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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