I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
