your parents love me but you hate me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
