Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
