She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
