I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
