U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
