he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
