i would punch a child for taco bell
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
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Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
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After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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