i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
