I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
