i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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