sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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