I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
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If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
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New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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