yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
